344. Plans

I have had some time to think lately, and since I feel like a lot of things in life are going in my favour I can afford (literally and not so literally) to start thinking of what the future holds.

Sometimes I think the future terrifies me in more ways than I can imagine. But its enthralling to think of what tomorrow might bring, who will stick with me, and who I have to leave behind in the quest for my own selfish happiness. In order for us to find happiness in others, we need to find our own happiness.

I wish I could share what I have planned, but I can't (and I do as of right now hope that I will carry them through) I don't need you or anyone else to tell me what I should or should not be doing.

327. I wonder.

I wonder sometimes, why is it that whenever I said that I owe nothing to Malaysia as far as I can feel/see, they have given me nothing, I get criticized for not being patriotic?

Putting the racial issue aside and how I know that back in Malaysia I am classified as a second class citizen, why should I feel like I am indebted to Malaysia?

Come next year, I would have been living in Norway for 5 years. That is a quarter of my lifetime.

Norway has in the last 5 years, given me the opportunity to go to school, to get a Diploma, the ability to go to a University (or any colleges my heart desires, doing whatever I choose), is willing to give me a loan/grant as like every other Norwegians so I can go to school, given my the opportunity to work and make a living and above Norway has never ever treated me like I am any less worthy.

Surely, there are times where they will put their people ahead of me, but as far as I am concern its the endless possibilities this country has for me is what matters most.

All these things Norway has done for me, do I still have to feel that Malaysia is where I owe my duties to?

Really, what has Malaysia done for me that is that significant?

If I was back home, I probably wouldn't even have had the opportunity to go to a Uni unless my parents/me paid for it. Not because I am not qualified, simply because I wasn't born the right race.

290. Relationships 1.0

Expectations.

The first thing I learnt about relationships is definitely this. Expectations.

When we are younger, all we see are happy couples on cartoons, Prince Charming being there for every single Princess, Prince Charming always looks spectacular and flawless, they wait indefinitely for that one Princess, and in other words, they were just the "perfect man"

It has also been embedded in us that, second best is never good enough.

In many ways, I still want the best of everything. But when it comes to relationship, the way I see it, there is no such thing as perfection.

I have never came across one. Honestly, have you?

That person always seeking perfection. That person is always me.

I mean, Why should we settle for anything less when our happiness right?

That was before I realize this one flaw in seeking perfection.

In perfection, comes illusions. 

Illusions of things, that you become deluded believing that perfection exist. And you know exactly what happens when you look for perfection, you overlooked what right there in front of you. You push aside an entire perfectly fine person because they come with some flaws.

I cannot lie, but it did take me a few months to see Magnar for the wonderful guy he was. Still is. 

So what? he is not a royal family (so I can become an official princess?) So what? I don't get showered with flowers and chocolates every day? So what if I don't get trips to Paris for the weekend? So what if he doesn't buy me my Chanel's and Marc Jacobs?

Magnarboy is better than Prince Charming, mainly because he is real.

And he has given me more than any Prince could have, he has given me a chance to look at myself and realize that life is worth living. That there is possible to open yourself out to more people than just yourself.

I don't really need my material wants and needs, things and money are a measure of nothing. And more often than not, they are things you can easily get with a little hard work.

And before looking for someone elses' flaws, remind yourself that everyone is flawed. 

And that includes basically you and me.

So relationship cliché #1 : True

Its easy to like someone for their perfections, but when you can look past that is when you know you have something special.

289. Looking forward

<3

So, I usually don't talk about relationships on my blog ever, unless I do it unknowingly.

This is mainly because, even though in many ways I think what Magnar and I have is quite amazing, it is no guarantee that things will always be this way.

It really doesn't take much to put a strain on relationships you know.

That, and I really don't like prying people.

I think I tell too much about myself here as it is.

And I should know, because every now and then I get so emotionally pissed at everything and everyone, I myself don't know how tomorrow will turn out. :)

But lucky me, Magnar has always been nice enough to weather some emotional storms and we are still going strong. In less than a weeks time, we would have been "officially dating" for 2 years. Plus minus. 

So since I am feeling a bit on the mushy mode, I thought I would do a stream of "How idiots make relationship work, the cliché and if it works" :)

Sounds okay?

274. Important Matters

So, I was thinking I was going to blog about something random and completely rubbish, but I thought since this is still fresh on my mind, I could pen something down here first.

To make things short, how do you really break it to your friend that her boyfriend is obviously cheating on her, and she should move on?

Or you just don't and just keep it to yourself?

I am not talking about the possibility of him cheating, he obviously is.

She knows it herself. But like most people, Sometimes we rather choose to live in denial than to face reality. 

Because when it comes to matter like this, when reality hits, your world really does comes crashing down.

I know that myself, because I have been there and done that.

And you wouldn't believe when I started the amount of people who claimed Magnar is cheating on me.

(Guess the crucial difference between my story and hers is mine, were unbased allegations, hers is not)

And I know, some I can easily shrug off, some not so easy. 

Fortunately for me, with enough trust and understanding, I finally understood why people had to say that to me. 

And I guess I knew it my the corner of my heart, Magnar would not do that.
She on the other hand, knows otherwise.

So, anyways I know it would be horrible both ways for her.

And, if you were me, do still want to be the one inflicting the pain on her?

I've known her for a really long time now, so she is quite an important friend, and thus the last thing I would want to do is hurt her.

So, how?
Should I not say anything? Even when she wants my opinion?

269. On Apple Inc.

So I had a heated debate with a certain somebody earlier today about Apple products. It is always the same arguments and I am getting a bit tired of it. Only difference with that certain someone is that he probably just wants to ignite annoyance from me. *shrugs it off*

It is always the same excuse about how Apple users are brainwashed and are fanboi's and whatnots.

I love my Macbook and iPod which is the only 2 product I have from Apple. In fact, I love it.

Not always though, not when my battery charger burns or when my hard drive crashed with everything in it :(  But every time other than that. 

I just don't understand when people do that. Make negative remarks like you have done something wrong.

Just like comments filled with hatred and of no purpose whatsoever. I read Nanirostam's (it's in Malay though) blog the other day about hate comments. Unless you have a point on why you don't like it, why bother people with it?

Telling me, you are only liking it because you are being brainwashed tells me what?

Of course I am not saying one can't state opinions, there is a difference in giving opinion and bluntly criticizing others on no based whatsoever.

Just like Nanirostam was saying, if you bought a pack of rice from the stall and it didn't live up to your expectation, why bother yourself to go complain and talk bad about it to everyone you know, your simplest solution is to just not buy it anymore. Finish. Case closed. Everyone's happy.

You buy things and live your life a different way than everyone else. So, more often than not, it is not likely that we all like the same thing. No?

Okay, rant over.

Isn't the pictures lovely? Loooooove.

258. People say

If you want something done, do it yourself.

Sometimes those things people say, are insanely true.

For today, I realize how the proverb above cannot be anymore true.

Sometimes we might have others to do help you along, but ultimately many things in life is very much based on what you achieve for yourself.

And as selfish as this sound, you really cannot help others before you help yourself.

I thought of this on the way back home today, and realize... this really applies to almost everything I can think of. Men, Education, Money, Job, Skills, Happiness, etc, etc.

Take for example skiing. (Just because Magnar and I was talking about this earlier) 

Last year I made a plan that this is the year I will learn how to ski. Mainly because I am tired of being left out whenever others go skiing. And its an utter importance to me to try everything once. :)

And so, well... if I keep wait for Magnar to understand the importance of me learning how to ski, I would never learn it. 

Why? Because there are many things no one but yourself understand. I can easily bet, no one else thinks any more of it, then me, myself.

So, if you then think about it, there really is no one else to blame but yourself is there?

And this really does apply to a whole lot of other things in life.

We I Just have to learn to not expect nothing from anyone else, but me. 

And, as for my skiing idea. Well, I guess I'll figure something out. I always do. :)

But I know now, I'll figure it out myself and I should forget about having Magnar to help me with that.
But that's okay. For like I say, I'll find a way.

254. Music Plug

Because You Live, Jesse McCartney.

Now this is what I think the proper definition of a "Pop" song is! Remind me of the days of the Backstreet Boys and Westlife. 

In terms of updates, I was over at Peppes today with "the group". Then we headed over to Magnar's place to play some Brain Cranium :) 

♥

You know what's funny, the older we get, I feel like the less friends we make. We end up usually going our own ways and above all, I think I am at the age where I don't bother to be polite because I have to. 

These days, I just ignore you if I don't think you are worth my time and energy. And I am sure it isn't just me. Somehow the handful of friends I have are worth more than the 100 I used to have.

Its extremely weird, making new friends used to be one of the most important thing to me.

But it is not anymore. For I feel the older we get, the more selfish and self centered we become.

I wonder if anyone else feels the same way? 

Interesting, No?

243. Untitled

When I was younger, I always wondered why are there age limits to some movies and games and what nots. My excuse was simple. My parents didn't exactly put a "limit" to what my sister and I can or cannot watch. And with that being said, I have always felt that I grew up okay?

I guess in some ways, we are all different. I grew up liking comedy sitcoms, loads of Disney and every imaginable cartoon.I also enjoy watching Oprah and loads of Cantonese Drama series. Even when my parents (as I said) didn't really control what we watch.

But, I have also always thought that was the case for many others.

Then lately, I have been reading about the case of James Bulger. The 2 year old boy who was brutally murdered by 2 other 10 year olds. And their method of killing him is simply unfathomable. 

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Murder_of_James_Bulger

And, lately I've been reading how (if I haven't misinterpreted the news) these crimes might have been link to how these 2 children were allowed to watch numerous horror films while his mother smoked illegal drugs.

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-1256190/Revealed-The-horror-drawing-Jon-Venables-weeks-killed-James-Bulger.html

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-1211089/The-case-young-attackers-chilling-echoes-James-Bulger-sadists.html

I am not here to discuss how or if these kids should be punished and how the should be punished appropriately. Or who should be the one held responsible for the doings of these boys. 

I was just thinking and realizing that sometimes those age appropriate limits should not be taken so lightly after all. Because that freedom in the wrong hands, is just not okay.

Children sometimes only know so much. It is the responsibility of the adults to sometimes step in and create a limit. 

242. So help me understand

So, help me understand something.

Lately I have been applying for more and more summer jobs so I know I will make some spending money this summer and not to bum around like I always do for months.

So, writing the applications itself aside. I really really really don't understand why we need to give in a picture of us alongside some of the applications.

Why? Can they not hire ugly people or something? 

Because, help me understand this, when they say they want a picture of us alongside the applications, what kind of picture do they want from us exactly?

Example:

1. One with loads of background image?

2. One that shows I have got some amount of friends?

 

3. One that shows that I can pretend to be cool when needed?

 

4. One that shows I am willing to make a fool of myself to see someone else smile?

5. One that shows that, when needed I can result to using my sex appeal?

6. One that shows, I am in some ways quite in tune with all sorts of weird products.

7. One that shows that I can sometimes be quite funny?

8. One that show that I sometimes have genius ideas you should know about?

9. One that shows, I can pretend to be brainstorming for ideas?

10. One of the bunch where pictures are only suited for passports.

So do they want a black and white, coloured, pretentious smile, real smile, overly made up, au natural, with poses, no poses, with background, no background, cute, not cute, funny, not funny?

What kind of pictures do they want?

Someone, enlighten me. Please.

On my last application, I choose to give them... this.

How can you not love that stoopid face!

No, really. What kind of pictures do they want?

241. Another point?

Can I add one more point to my March resolutions?

I think I have hold on to the IB for a bit too long now, it is time to finally start letting go.

*Cue emo music.

And this means, getting rid of this (somehow still existing) pile of IB notes and notes and more notes.

Somethings even I don't know why I wrote them in the first place or what class it could be from!

I truly believe, for every IB student, one must have used up quite a significant portion of the forest in search for that one Diploma certificate. 

10,000 sheets of paper for one Diploma.

Hrm, IB system can be so smart sometimes, no?

And there are about 70 thousand students doing the IB?

And it really is just another piece of paper.

Not that amazing anyways. 

As I was saying, though I already gotten rid of a few boxes of paper about a year ago, I somehow still so many more scrap papers lying about!

For some reason, I like holding on to the IB. 

Maybe it was because it was one of the best times I have had. That and because the books are effing expensive when I bought them!

And I could sell them online, but every once a year, I secretly do go back to them to revel in their mystery and whatever memories they hold. 

All those little stupid scribbles meant a time in the past that I don't really want to put behind yet.

But I know, I must. :(

So yeah, I made a new commitment to getting rid of all this clutter and focus on whats ahead of me. Finally no longer as a high school student.

I really like this stoopid looking face. Haha!

Just had to post it again. :P

226. Oh Tiger

So much Tiger this year, First it was Tiger new year, now it is Tiger Woods. 

Full Story, click on link.

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-1252326/Tiger-Woods-I-thought-I-away-I-wrong.html

So, can someone explain why he finds the need made a public apology? 

Let alone, no cheater has ever made an apology sincere enough, what makes this one any different? Its just a bunch of words carefully scripted and spoken.

Hello? Haven't history thought us anything? Bill Clinton? John Edwards?

Seeing that he himself said that there are many matters out there that belongs solely between Elin and him. 

Why do you need to call a media conference then?

So you get to admit, what you have done wrong?

Everyone already know what you did, Oh Tiger dearest. 

I am insanely biased towards cheaters, so I just see this as a desperate attempt to gain back sponsorships.

He has not done any of us wrong.

Don't apologize! 

He doesn't need to apologize to anyone but to Elin right now!

Hrmph, I don't like it when people assume an apology is enough to make everything right again is the point!

Oh, And the excuse of being a sex addict is just a load of complete crap. 

And then I also wonder, how come none of those 192839 whores got any of the blame?

Just because they are not famous and rich, they shouldn't get the blame too?

Its even worse when, all those woman go and claim sympathy from the media and be all "Oh, no... Tiger made me pregnant and I had to suffer in silence all this while" "Tiger is such a cheater"

 Uhh, helloooo? 

Those woman need to shattap sometimes!

Just like Elizabeth Edwards say during an Oprah interview (wife of John Edwards, who is also another woman who's husband had been unfaithful) 

"Where are a woman's respect for other woman these days?"

You knew he was married and carried on having a relationship?

I despise people like that. Just as much as I despise the one who cheated! 
Because you knew, and you didn't stop it. It is a vicious cycle. 

Edit : Ugh! Cheating people who just dont get it is so annoying!

If you ask me, the media should now stop focusing on them too, because we do have much more important issues at hand.

And Elin should just hire a darn good lawyer and take everything she can. If he does it once, he will/can do it again

Then again, who am I to say all these right :) 


Rant end. So nice to get it out of the system.

217. Quotes

"Sometimes letting go doesn't mean we are giving up, rather accepting that there are things that cannot be."

:)
Thus, with that I guess we will never know.

Happy Chinese New Year Blog People!

Have a merry and prosperous one!
My aunt is going to make us some yummy steamboat things today and I can't wait. :)

215. My vice

Now, if you know me, you would know... I have no patience to wait for the right days to open my presents. If you give it to me a month before my Birthday, I'll open it right after you turn away. Haha!

Magnar knows that, and he likes pushing my limits like that. So he gave me my I assume Valentines gift yesterday. 3 days in advance.
Well, probably because he has left for Leeds early today morning and will not be home till Sunday night :D

I have been rubbing, feeling, shaking, poking it for a while now. And I am sure I know what it is, but I don't know exactly what it is. 

Look at that face! Rofl. 

It's hard, its rectangular, it feels like a photo frame, I complain about not having any nice pictures of us ever....

Hrm,What could it be? Haha! :)

On another note : If it is what I think it is, then he has been smart. He knows I cannot stand bouquets of flowers that don't look like bouquets. Bouquets have to look like this.

If you give me stalks of flowers and not a proper bouquet "bouquet", I first have to go find a vase, then fill it with water and then put them outside, for my aunt's enjoyment. Then they wilt and die. Then I must go clean them up and throw them away. 

Where is the enjoyment in that?

If you give me a proper bouquet I can dry them out and keep them looking beautiful :) And use them as decoration around the room!

Some dried flowers looks stunning. Agree? 

212. Valentines

Cute little cupcake pops.

Image from : http://www.bakerella.com/dont-lick-bite…/

Cupcakes and cream!

Coloured writings in snow.

Image from : http://colormekatie.blogspot.com/search/label/Little%20surprises

Sushi <3

Hot Chocolates with Marshmallow and Cream!

Views like this

Moonlight

I am not that demanding after all really, looking back. 

So, I assume you can guess the significance of the pictures above :) 

In any case, Magnar is not going to be here this weekend, which just so happens to be the weekend where everyone is supposedly being mushy and cute and all. 

At first I was a bit annoyed surely because if you know me, you would know that I would have made plans for this kind of things. Heck, I am already planning my Birthday Party with my sister as I type this, and that is ... 6 months to go. 

But the truth is, if I did care so much about it, I would have taken the offer to go to Leeds this weekend seeing that my Uncle would have paid for the tickets, and Mummy would give me spending money and all that. But I don't want to go, and still don't regret not going. :) Sorry Thomas! Another time okay! :)

And I am certainly not mad at Magnar for going. 

I actually secretly really want him to go. I think he'll have a bunch load of fun! And I am heading to Oda's Birthday party. So in terms of spending time together on Valentines, that wasn't going to happen anyways.

Plus I know Valentines is really just another day.

It is certainly no more special than our 21st monthniversary? which is on the 13th.

I havent yet figured out the point of this post except  sometimes I think might just be too romantic for my own good. 

And I must just learn to accept somethings Magnar will never come to understand.

I don't know if I do either.

And, In some ways, I think its good that he is going away this weekend. 

I guess it's nice to take a bit of break from seeing each other every single day.

I am sure he'll come home with more stories to tell!

I think it is nice to have some time to think about some things about us

 About what's important, what's a want and what's a need. 

And about, us. 

We should never take for granted what we have today, for we do not know what tomorrow brings

PS. I can only imagine the amount of people going "Pfft, bitchy girlfriend"

But one is not to judge a story one doesn't completely know. :)

187. Steps to feeling beautiful

I got on the scale for the first time since before Christmas, yesterday.

And, of course to my complete horror I added a few pounds over the months. 

I was horrified and quite disgusted at myself for allowing me to get this way. 

Well, to make things short. I hate self pitying (any form of it) so, I do what I do best, make myself feel better. You can only make others feel better when you yourself feel good.

And I think my steps work wonderfully each and every time for me. Maybe it'll work for you too?

So whenever I am feeling a bit down for whatever reason. This are the things I do.

1. Wash your hair, blow dry, treat it.

2. Take a long shower. I think there is something really therapeutic about standing and washing away everything. Every dirt and every grime (metaphorically speaking and literally, unfortunately it doesn't wash pounds away though. :P)

3. Give yourself a mini facial. I find something really calming about a tight clean skin.

4. Get dolled up! Make yourself feel good. Pick out something funny and funky. Play with colours.

 If you go around in sweats and baggy clothes feeling sorry for yourself, what do you think that makes you feel inside?

5. Surround yourself with people who are worth your time. People who makes you feel like a million dollar. People who would think you are beautiful regardless. 

6. Know that every bad day eventually ends. And you'll just come out of it a better cleaner person! :)

170. 2009

Since I am just going to say exactly what everyone else has already said about memories, and of how fast time flies, of learning, of growing, of love and lost, of everything the past year has brought upon us thus perhaps I should just keep my sappy stories for some other day as I am sure you have had enough of that now.

If I were to rate my year this year, it would be a clear 7 out of 10. I have not achieve as much as I would have hoped for but I really do think I am starting to get everything going how I want it to. I have gotten myself a job, I have managed my money quite well, I am starting University again in 2 weeks, I have gotten my attitude a bit more on checked, I have matured in some way, and above all I have found a sense of happiness. 

I am not completely there yet, but I have marked my path.

And, to be honest as of right now, I have only everyone to thank for making this year such an eventful year.

Surely we all had good and bad times, surely at one point of this year I thought my life has hit its rock bottom and I just want to run and hide and never face the world again. But that all past, and I am still here aren't I?

And as I grow older, no matter how much we want next year to be perfect with our well made resolutions, dreams, aspirations, what nots. 

You know it yourself inside that, that is not going to happen for life is just like that.

C'est la vie.

So, here is to 2009 and hello 2010.

Another decade beacons.

Life, hit me with whatever you have installed. And, I shall stand ready.

For I know that, good and bad times are coming. But I also know, that there will be people who loves me, and people who would help me through it all.

Happy New Year everyone. :)

Hugs,

Lisa.